It’s hard to feel rushed when rain is cascading down around you. I took the weather as a hint. Today wasn’t meant for me to race through. It was meant for curling up with poetry and playing games with my little ones. It was meant to catch
up on the chores that weigh me down so I can actually relax on the weekend.
I needed a simple, rainy day.
Why do I always think I need add more
step back from the glass
come out, dance with me
I’ll stream down your face
and erase every trace
your worries will melt into
the mud at your feet
so when the sun
comes out of hiding
so will you
-what I hear in the rain-
Who knows if this will work for me in the long run, but I currently love the idea of being extra poetic on Fridays. There is just something a bit magically about transitioning out of one week and waiting for the next.
I didn’t live the poetic, wandering sort of life as deeply as I wanted to this week. That may be more because I have ridiculous expectations for myself than me actually not being a poetic wanderer…
I did watch the leaves change from summer green to stormy silver as the clouds built up in the sky. I did write poem after poem. I even read a poetry collection. I didn’t sink into everything though. My mind was racing in to many directions. I squeezed myself into the week’s parameters instead of really living it. Now I am tired and cranky and can’t seem to enjoy the things that I actually accomplished.
Where you passing me again
while I was struggling to live?
Do you think that is fair?
You running on while I
can hardly breath deep
enough to say your name?
Next week is coming and I have all weekend to work on being present and not feeling squished into a cage of my own making. That is plenty of time. Right?
It’s been a crazy year. Nothing happened that was supposed to happen. The things that did happen were so unexpected that I still feel like walking around with my mouth hanging open.
I’m missing places. I’m discovering places. I’m raising children. I’m homeschooling in a new place with new laws. I’m learning to care for the house fish (who knew our new house came with a pond full of Koi?). I’m learning to catch the metro, kids in tow. I’m trying to find the best place to get coffee.
I am burnt out.
I am word hungry.
When my brain is to tired to function, when I can’t answer another question from an enthusiastic mini me, when I’m tired of getting lost trying to find places, I crave words. I want nothing more than to learn about, everything. So that is what I’m doing. I’m filling my summer with words. I’m reading essays and poetry. I’m learning about local plants and gardening. I’m reading books about books so I know what I want to read and share with my children during the next school year.
I’m learning that it’s ok to feel burnt out. It’s ok to feel lost. Life is unpredictable. It’s okay to step back and refuel.
I’ve been craving space lately. Maybe it’s because I recently moved near a large metro area and I was raised in the middle of wheat fields. Maybe it’s because I have three children that sing and talk and circle around me for hours at a time. It’s probably all of these things and the fact that my head is always overflowing with thoughts.
It has been just over a year since I started posting poetry on Instagram. I don’t think I would have been brave enough to keep going if it wasn’t for so many supportive poets that never once made me feel like I didn’t belong, but lately I’ve been feeling like it’s time to grow a bit. It’s time for some space of my own.
my imagination lives here, I think
I’m still going to be on Instagram but I’m going to spend more time writing poetry for publication. Hopefully I will stay sane during the process. If not you can watch me unravel on my blog! Yeah, no. My hope is to not unravel and to have a place to connect with other writers and dreamers. Please join me as I stumble poetically and try to live the artistic, eclectic life I know I was born to live.